I know that without knowing Christ I too would not want to marry nor have children.
I can’t wait to get home and read this week’s issue of Time Magazine which should arrive by tomorrow in my mailbox. At the time of this writing CNN.com has a featured iReport article on it’s home page written by a heterosexual married millenial who is “comming out” to friends and family with the truth that she and her husband don’t ever want to have children. Of course this is all part of a creative partnership with Time Magazine to promote their latest edition titled The Childfree Life: When having it all means not having children. Both CNN and Time Magazine share the same parent company Time Inc.(Time Warner).
After reading the article I realized that I have a lot in common with the iReporter. We are both millenials and we share similar analytical approaches to decision making. The only difference between she and I is that I believe that God has the final say in my life. Had I not allowed the Lord to heal me and reveal his very strategically powerful, meaningful and rewarding definition, existence and preparation for marriage and motherhood, I would’ve come to the same conclusion that she and many others have in this end time. That marriage and children are an antiquated concept that is too much to handle. I know that without knowing Christ I too would not want to marry nor have children.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJV)
Here are 3 major causes based on my personal experience and observations from the iReporter and others I know.
- The Practical Cause
“I want others to know that I am a practical person. I don’t feel that it is right to raise a child in a home full of stress. I don’t have an incredibly high-paying job, and I worry that I’ll be burdened by student loan debt when I graduate from my doctoral program.”
The above statement is a snippet from the iReporter’s piece. It’s a very logical thought process. I’ve seen so many different types of family dynamics I think it’s safe to say that if you can’t afford a child and aren’t ready to commit to the responsibility then you shouldn’t bring one into the world.
“Everything about modern life—from Bugaboo strollers to insane college tuition to government regulations—has pushed Americans in a single direction, making it harder to have children. And making the people who do still want to have children feel like second-class citizens.”
Another practical statement taken from the book description of demographer Jonathan V. Last’s latest book What to Expect When No One’s Expecting: America’s Coming Demographic Disaster. Mr. Last’s book is the #2 book in Amazon’s Demography category. One defintion of “practical” is “of, involving, or concerned with experience or actual use”. So this is the experience of people now. But will it be this way forever? Will the student loans always remain? Okay so your loans are huge won’t you make a dent in it eventually? Will we always feel so overwhelmed? Where is hope? Moreover where is the hope that a person can grow into becoming a parent?
- The Postmodern Cause
While searching for information on the Time Magazine article I stumbled upon ChildFreeLife.com. Their vision is this:
The Childfree Life is a gathering place for people who share the common bond of choosing to be non-parents, and for those in the process of making that decision. We welcome you to our site and invite you to become a contributing member of our community.
I like this effort. I don’t think it’s right to attack someone’s decision to not have a child or as the iReporter put it: “I don’t want to be spoken to in condescending tones and told that this is just a phase”.
It’s not God’s will for everyone to be married and therefore have children. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Church in Corinth that singlehood can be advantageous because you can wholely devote your time and energy to the things of God:
..The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32, ESV)
What we are seeing in some of the child free lifers is the exercise of their feelings. It’s their own postmodern induced honest and sincere approach after the reality of life sets in. By my early twenties I had so much baggage from the divorce of my parents, the dysfunctionality of past relationships and the complex reality of a family that I could not fathom being a mother and wife. My identity was still that of being someone’s child I couldn’t bear the thought of pouring into someone else. But we don’t have to live a life dictated by what we see around us. It’s good to gather and share our feelings but the gathering should produce healing. So that if you’re truly not meant to have a child it’s a clear decision free of any wounds and fear.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5, NJKV)
- The Depravity of Man Cause
We need hope and faith now more than ever to consider marriage and children. We are born with needs that can only be fulfilled through God.
For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. (Psalm 51:5, NLT)
Our society’s progressive abandonment of reliance on God is ultimately shaping our demographics. I invite anyone reading this that can relate to hopelessness and fear to contact me so that I can share with you how to gain hope. Hope for consideration of a family one day or at least a healthy decision against having a family.